Monday, May 20, 2013

me time

Well hello! We made it safely to Rangely, CO from west Texas. But, I've gotta say that the trip seemed to shake me up something fierce. By shake-up, I mean that I have suffered more than one full-blown-adult-melt-down over the course of the past five days.

I'm excited to be back in Colorado, but transitions are tough for me. I don't love the idea of moving my home. I'd actually feel a whole lot more comfortable if it were planted firmly on the ground, and not on wheels. However, when faced with the option of living together as a family on wheels, or not, and firmly planted... the choice seems obvious.

As obvious as it may be, the lack of me time combined with reaching my maximum stress level, I found myself wanting to run home... hmm, if only I didn't have to drive {some more}.

When I spoke {yelled & cried} to Gabe about it last night I used the term me time when describing part of why I didn't feel okay. He didn't get it. He doesn't get it.

I constantly feel guilty for needing or wanting a break from my kids {and from him}. He looks at what I do and sees each and every one of my stresses as self induced. Well, if that's true, isn't it then true for everyone. I mean, if that's the case, all of it is just a frame of mind.

Don't get me wrong... when I think about starving, homeless, and sick people I count my blessings. I may be living in a trailer, but Gabe really sees to it that our family is taken care of. We don't want for much. He provides and funds my me time and business venture in it's entirety.

So, why the melt downs? Because distance makes the heart grow fonder, that's why! Even if only for a couple hours. We get so lost I get so lost in taking care of my kids, the house, my responsibilities relating to finances, and trying to balance a space for exercise, reading, writing, and pursuing my passion that I have got to have a little distance sometimes. Next, add the norm that I've just mentioned to setting up house in a new community after only 2 1/2 months in a different one, driving 1,000 + miles with kids, and pulling a 5th wheel {yes, me!} while trying to maintain some sort of a productive daily schedule... for everyone involved.

It equals an adult melt down.

I'd like to be better. I really would.

So, here is what I've decided. I'm surviving, but certainly do not feel healthy... in my mind, body or spirit. I'm the only one who knows how to do it, so I've got to take the responsibility. I'm scheduling some me time.

Our campground in Rangely isn't much to look at. There aren't any animals like we had in west Texas. It is basically a dirt parking lot. However, we are in a small town with a fabulous rec. center, library, park and coffee shop only minutes away. Most are only minutes away by bike, which is more exciting than I can begin to let on.

Monday-Friday, there is kid care from 8-10:30 am at the rec. center... which is where I am now. This morning I had a 30 minute workout, a hot & high pressured shower, and time on the computer- all while my kids are playing in another room. I plan to do this everyday. It feels like heaven.

Next, I plan to hang at the coffee shop on Saturday mornings. This will give me more wi-fi and me time while Gabe has some one-on-one with the kids. This is the sort of thing Gabe doesn't understand... why don't I go fishing? Well, why doesn't he write a blog? Different strokes for different folks!

Anyway, my weekly A True Story piece isn't happening today... but, I wanted to check in with you to let you know how things are going. Now might be a good time to catch up on any pieces that you may have missed... 'cause I'm about to git-after-it with my new found me time!

I'd love to open this up for discussion... what do you think about the idea of me time? Is it selfish, or a necessary evil? How do you stay sane & balanced... what methods work well for you? Does your spouse get it and support it?

determined-to-stay-sane-while-living-in-a-camper, JL


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